I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
