i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
