Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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