to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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