CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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