Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dear god my vagina.
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