I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
