Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize