Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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