she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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