I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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