Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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