I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
