If that was your dad, he is hot
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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