At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I had to cum in my sink.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
