how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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