I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
