I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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