Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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