Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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