I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
