so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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