i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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