I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
