Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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