Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
