apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
True strength comes from lack of pants
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
