I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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