haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I got inside last night via doggy door
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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