I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
