how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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