wakey wakey hands off snakey
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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