People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
