Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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