I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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