I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
