Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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