I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
