i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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