so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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