i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
