i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
