So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
