Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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