why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize