Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
