i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
