it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
