he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
