he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
