Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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