FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
