I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
