So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
