I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
