I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
