I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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