Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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