I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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