HIV tests are more positive than that guy
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This is my gift to your gina
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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