wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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