Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
