dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
