I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
