I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
