Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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