Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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