So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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