Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
