yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
