Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
