and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize