Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
